‘What’s next?’ I ask myself, as elusive appointments are locked in and my to-do list shrinks. ‘What’s next?’
But I’m asking the wrong question.
The evening of 30 April brought the most torrential rain I’ve ever experienced. It was just rain though, little wind, no electrical dramatics dominating the heavens. Leaks, the bane of my existence last year and this, have been subjugated, except one in the garage, whose days are numbered. My home is waterproof, almost.
Grief for the loss of my husband has suffused my days over the past six months and it too is close to running its course. His ashes are still on their special shelf but a date has been set for their scattering, the anniversary of his death – 27 September. Spring.
My re-nesting is complete. A friend offered this word, describing well my feverish efforts to create spaces in my house and courtyards that reflect the new version of myself. Now, wherever my eyes rest, inside and out, they find fresh pleasure.
My search for the perfect place to downsize is over. I’ve looked and been disappointed. It’s here, where I am now. Unless I become confined to a wheelchair, this is my home.
All has not been as calm and ordered as it sounds. I fell victim to a computer scam recently and could have lost a considerable amount of money. Out of the blue, my computer screen was bombarded with warnings and sirens, declaring it hacked. I panicked because Ken wasn’t with me and my IT person had closed his business. I can’t fathom the state of my mind that could allow the scammer, who said he was a Microsoft support person, to gain my trust. I’m filled with shame that I was conned – and could have been so unbelievably unthinking.
Eventually I realised what was happening, extricated myself from the scammer’s clutches and called the bank. I was shaking in fear.
It’s no consolation that such events are occurring everywhere, all the time and that my demographic is a particular target. It’s no consolation that Apple discovered a vulnerability in its operating system through which this highly sophisticated scammer slipped and found me. I’d known some of my old passwords were on the dark web and thought I’d updated them all.
I felt invaded, beaten up and such a fool.
I also felt immensely grateful that, unlike others I’ve heard of since then, I had escaped financial loss.
Now, I evoke gratefulness whenever I think of what happened that afternoon. Especially for the patience and competence of the woman who answered my phone call to the CBA.
But I’ll never be the same again.
I’ve had many challenges since Ken’s death, but this last one feels like immersion in a fiery crucible.
I’m no longer asking, ‘What’s next?’ in the expectation that some tantalising project will appear to take me on yet another journey, destination unknown.
I am a humbler person, less confident in what I thought was my tech-savvy knowledge and skills.
I am gathering the threads of my familiar days, holding them close. They, and the people I love and who support me, are my protection.
I’ve a new, different question to ask myself. It comes from one of my favourite writer/poets, James Crews:
What if today is all there is, and what if aliveness to that is gift enough?
Yes, today is all there is. Whatever it brings, whether mistakes or confusions, satisfactions or pleasures, being alive to them will be enough. For me, this day.
Image: courtesy of Peter Horsfall
14 Responses
Falling to a scam is all our nightmares but Ruth…. You won!!!!!
Well done. I get how bad it would have made you feel and the vulnerability it has exposed but it is actually a very inspiring outcome.
I repeat…. Well done!!!!
Merv, thanks for finding the silver lining! I’d like to swear it will never happen to me again, but can I be sure? It’s scary.
Glad you got out of the clutches of that scammer Ruth. I fell into the clutches of one…I too could not believe how my mind got caught up with them and let them ALMOST TAKE CONTROL. I felt an absolute fool but I too was successful in not being a victim…but it is so scary when all those bells and whistles go off on your computer screen.
I was just thinking how we often don’t listen to the bells and whistles going off in our minds when something is not right for us…we just charge on instead of pausing. We are so used to over- riding our intuition…or inner nous. Well, I have done so too many times…
Keep trusting that you have got this…all of it…and help is there if you need it.XXX
Dear Leonie. Thank you for sharing your experience and so glad you escaped too. I am so used to dealing with things myself that I think my vanity got in the way – over-confident that with the help of this fellow, I could sort it. Yah!!!
That sounds scary Ruth but thank you for the heads up. I hadn’t heard of this scam before but now I know about it I won’t fall for it! It’d definitely worth writing about to warn us, your readers. I’m sure you’re coping better than you might think, this scammer didn’t catch you out.
Hi Vicki.n Thanks for your comment. My daughter says I should have turned my computer off immediately. Hindsight is all very well -I didn’t even suspect it was a scam!
Thanks Ruth.
I’m very pleased that you’ve escaped from the clutches of that scam. Many of us, quite understandably, panic when confronted by such a perceived disaster. Hopefully this experience will boost your immunity to similar scams in the future. We learn best by doing, after all.
Sometimes it takes a few minutes to identify a scam – they can be quite sophisticated and clever in how they mislead intended victims. If in any doubt it’s perhaps best to assume a scam, even at the risk of ‘offending’ innocent parties. A simple example is that of ignoring unidentified phone calls – genuine callers can leave a voice message/text.
Best wishes
Geoff
Geoff, thanks for this.Ken had a saying about me needing to put my hand on the hot stove ….the rest you know. I’m good at not responding to phone messages but clearly still had a blind spot.
Day by day, Ruth! Many threats and pitfalls to face without Ken, but you still have your marbles, your family and good friends.
💖
Thank you Cecile – especially family and good friends. Marbles, well….!?
Glad you got out of it in the nick of time, Ruth. And that you found the woman at the CBA helpful. I found the CBA helpful a couple of years ago when they questioned why I wanted to make a large withdrawal. I initially told them it was none of their business- but then they told me they wanted to make sure I wasn’t being pressured by anyone to withdraw. So I thanked them for checking with me.
Sue, that is interesting – I was asked ‘why’ once too, but not again.
Oh Ruth. They are so clever.I got scammed through my Netflix subscription on Xmas eve. Luckily the two banks stepped in but I was without my credit card and debit card over the holidays.
Thinking of you. Let me know if you are up for a catchup at Hamilton.
Debbie, I’ll watch out for that one. My scam happened just before Easter and I was without cards for awhile too. It helped that my online banking was restored quickly, as soon as I could show the bank proof my computer had been cleaned up – by a guy from Geeks2U.